This is (Not) a Love Letter

One day, I came across an article on "How to Write a Proper Love Letter". She said something about recalling good memories, writing using sensual languages, showing appreciation, and the list goes on. Wow. People do share and google EVERYTHING these days. What's more to it was I found myself reading it through. How comical. But no, I didn't look up to it while I was trying to write or implement one. 

It's surprising to think that people find it difficult to write a love letter to even seek references. Why do people feel bewildered to write something that they're grateful about? Shouldn't it be easy as you just have to mention and flash back some of the moments? 

Until...

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I found it hard for people-- and myself to describe how we actually feel in a piece of compiled words. It might get too shallow, too numb, or maybe it's not the perfect way to enlighten them. That's probably how I'd always feel whenever I wanted to tell you how much the days we were together meant to me, how contented my heart felt when I'm with you, and how I crave for you when we were apart. Always been too much, too often, and too many too-s.

I am not gonna tell you how much I adore you because you've got Jarryd James, Matter Halo, and the whole #26 album to say it best. What I wanna tell you is that you are not the easiest person to be and deal with (I know, I know). You've gotten me jealous, and annoyed. You did make me confused at times, figuring things out what should and shouldn't do on some of it, and forcing me to take another 1000 breaths deeper than before just to settle down my emotions. But wow, the whacky part of it was, I wouldn't want it any other way. I'd still do it all over again if I'd have to choose. 

With you, not only I am learning about you, but I am also learning a lot about us. Learning even a lot more from us. And most of all, I learned much much more about myself through the process. From the things I love and loathe the most, to the things I never did or know I'm capable of feeling and doing. It was surprisingly and probably, the best lesson so far, yet the loveliest language I never knew I needed. 

With you, I'll brag-- to never need to settle for the bare minimum (anymore?). Cause the things that you do was neither little nor simple (at the very least for me!). From walking down the outside of the sidewalk, buying me random drinks we couldn't find in the mall, to being emotionally and physically available when I needed most. Everything with you was never passing through. It feels humble. It sparks. It is easy.

With you, I feel at home. A home that isn't anything other than someone giving you a reason to stay. So I'm glad you're giving me one. A feeling of ease-- for reminding me that whatever I'm going through, I was not going through it alone. For telling me I'm enough and having the confidence in me when I didn't even feel adequate myself. To allow me to feel things, all at once.

I cherished every moment we had, are having, and will be facing as I remind myself every single day just how favored I am to have found you. Thank you for giving me friendship, partnership, and every other thing in between for these past years. To have taken the risk and be committed as a team, working thru times of turbulence in life that have come our way. Thank you for putting all the effort while making it seem completely and amusingly effortless (and this one's for me too!)

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And that's just about it. The one where I do not find it hard to (not) write a love letter.