Once Upon a Time

Even when you and him were not a part of each other's life, you could still miss him that much.

It was all started by a simple hey and hello conversation. You didn't know how and where this would go, but what you could do is just go with the flow and asked yourself a question, "are you ready to be hurt again?'

The conversation continued until the day that he asked you out with a few friends and that was the moment that you called happiness. You smiled all night long and couldn't sleep.

Suddenly days felt like hours when you started to have some fun conversation with him and suddenly became the moment that he sat beside you with all those jokes and awkward smile. The next second that you remembered was that smiling face while you were holding each other's hand during the movie. All you wanted to do was stop the time, but unfortunately you couldn't. At the end of the day, you just could thank him with no words and smile on your face that only represent the whole indescribable feeling of your day. All the things that had just happened was far beyond your expectation and the other things after were not matter anymore.

Days have gone so fast and the day that you thought will be the last day to smile was a mistake. It was continuing for a while with those silly conversation, sharing jokes and stories, unstoppable laughs at midnight and secrets that you haven't told anybody but him. Because yes, he was that special. At the moment, you thought it will last longer  because he was different and the biggest fear so far was losing him.

It felt just like yesterday when he started lighting up your days when nobody else could, but it also felt just like a blink of an eye and everything suddenly falling apart and your world turned upside down. The day that you've been afraid of, had finally came. The long and fun conversation became extremely short and awkward. The conversation that could light up your days and put a smile in your face suddenly teared you up and upset you. There were no longer stories to shared and jokes to laughed at. All those "HAHAHAHAHA", "indigo" and ({}) had come to its expired date eventually. No more that special someone and everything was just memories. The only remaining were only you, yourself, your emptiness (again) and loneliness.

You knew everything would apparently end at last, but you were never expected it would be this fast and this painful. You knew it was never his fault or anyone else because the fact that you were never his at the first place. It was maybe just a drive by and all the feeling just beyond your control. You acted like an idiot for keep reading the same old conversations over and over again. You weren't in tears, you smiled, you just did. You were happy even you knew those was just leads to another disappointment and again, you didn't care.

Finally the question that you asked earlier has an answer. No, you were not ready. You are not and you will not, as always. And what you've learned was that everything has never gone your way, and it never will. And those time that you've been spending just to wait for another chance, was a wasting of time.

And even your very-low-expectation would also lead to disappointment.